Music for Mourning
Each chapter of my book A Portrait of Grief begins with a song. The songs can be accessed on YouTube by typing the title and artist into Google or Safari or any search engine. I spent a lot of time listening to music and choosing songs that I thought would be helpful to my readers and fellow grievers.
If you have had an experience with catastrophic grief, you may have learned that grief is what we hold inside after loss, but mourning is the outward expression of grief. Crying, wailing, keening, sighing, yearning, etc. are examples of mourning behavior. Mourning allows the grief a way out. If we hold our grief inside it will come out, often in unhealthy ways---alcohol or drug abuse, anger, depression, affairs, use of pornography. There are many, many ways to anesthetize ourselves in today’s world. Since music often releases profound feelings, it can help us to feel the sadness, express it, and move through it.
We chose the song “No More Night” and a medley of hymns to begin our youngest son, Austin’s funeral, and ended it with the congregation singing, “It is Well with My Soul.”
At our oldest son, Wes’s funeral, the scene was set by David Wilkerson’s song “Show the Way.”
“Held” by Natalie Grant cradled us gently at our grandson, Brock’s memorial service.
Somehow music fills the gap when the spoken word is inadequate.
Music can become a problem in public. It can slip past our defenses and touch our broken hearts. Who wants to lose control before others? Not me, that’s for sure. Don’t be taken by surprise. Take a handkerchief with you when music is expected in a public setting.
Please allow music to help you in your private mourning. When I began to feel like a dead person myself, with no emotions, it helped to listen to songs that enabled my tears to flow. Connecting our sad emotions to something beautiful can lead us to a more peaceful place.
I have compiled a list of some of the songs that ministered to me in private when the time was right. Again, have a handkerchief ready. But don’t be afraid of the tears. They are a part of the path forward. (Some of these songs are in the book, others are not.)
“Thought About You” by Tim McGraw (Lyric Video)
“Even If” by Mercy Me
“Way Maker” (Live from Passion 2020) by Kristian Stanfill, Kari Jobe, and Cody Carnes
“Show the Way” by David Wilcox
“Homesick” by Mercy Me (Pseudo Video)
“Need You Now” by Lady Antebellum
“Amazing Grace” Any version
“Goodbye” by Kenny Rogers
“You Say” by Lauren Daigle (Official Music Video)
“Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again” by Sarah Brightman/Phantom of the Opera
“Be OK” by Ingrid Michaelson
“Just Breathe” by Pearl Jam
“Hallelujah” by Leonard Cohen
“Trust in You” by Lauren Daigle (Live)
