Happy New Year?

After the loss of a loved one, how can it possibly be a happy New Year ever again?  As grieving parents, brothers, sisters, or grandparents, we aren’t sure we can face another year of pain and sorrow.  

The grieving journey is not a constant upward climb that can be navigated on a linear path.  There are many ups and downs, twists and turns.  There are stages, but they are not conquered in a steady manner.  It is a confusing and frustrating path.  

We must realize that the intensity of this suffering cannot go on forever.  Although we may not feel that it is possible for things to get better, we know intellectually that it is true—we will survive.  Others who have walked before us testify that it will eventually get easier.

If we are to process and heal from a devastating loss, we must talk, talk, talk.  If we can’t do that, we can write, write, write. As Mollie Marti says, “If you don’t create a pathway for grief to come out in a constructive way, it will come out sideways or will be carried within.”  In these days when our lives are in chaos, writing can bring order into the disorder.  Writing, like talking, allows us to touch our deepest emotions.  It allows us to see and examine the steps we are attempting to take to move forward.

January is a great time to begin journaling.  I agree with the words of William Faulkner: “I never know what I think about something until I read what I’ve written.”  That’s why I have found the practice of journaling so helpful in processing thoughts and feelings while grieving.

If you decide to journal, don’t make a lot of rules for yourself.  Rules turn into roadblocks.  You aren’t required to write each day.  You don’t need to fill an entire page.  Remember, no one is going to grade your work.  Let the journal serve your needs.  It is a private haven where you can express your feelings, not worrying about hurting others or what they may think.  Journaling gives us perspective, a little distance from our emotions.  It gives us a place to speak the truth without fear and, in our confusion, rereading what we have written helps us to untangle the truth from the lies that assault us in our weakest moments.

You don’t know how to start or what to say?  Just start to write. Don’t lift your pen from the page.  Don’t make corrections.  Don’t reread what you write today.  Here are just a few suggestions to get you started.

How do you feel right now? 

What are you thinking about right now? 

What do you miss most?

Is there anything you can look forward to?

What was the best moment of this day?  What was the worst?

Create a list of thanksgiving.  There are still things to be grateful for-- the sunrise, a hot cup of coffee, a poodle puppy.

Create a list of accomplishments.  I got out of bed today.  I exercised.  I went to work.  I cooked a meal.  During grief, these are laudable achievements, and you should record them and applaud yourself.

The whole purpose of a journal is to be a friend who listens as you pour out your heart and to help you find new meaning as you move ever so slowly into the future. 

Prayer for today: 

Lord of Goodness and Light, come into our darkness and illuminate our lives with your love and peace, for we ask in the name of Jesus.  Amen.