Mother’s Day
Some of you may be facing your first Mother’s Day since losing your child. Let me just say that I am so sorry this has happened to your family.
You may have already learned that grief is an ever-shifting universe. What got you through yesterday may not be the same thing that gets you through today or tomorrow.
It took a long time for me to understand the importance of mourning. It seemed to hurt so much more when my feelings were allowed to escape from inside to the outside where I could see and hear them—where others could see them and hear them. I have since learned that grief is what we think and feel on the inside after a tragic loss. Mourning, or lamentation, is our outward expression of these feelings. Crying, sadness, wailing, despair, yearning, hurt, and anguish are examples of mourning behavior. I cannot state strongly enough how important it is to mourn. Don’t be afraid of your tears. Don’t cover up, don’t deny. Feel the feelings and let them flow out. The pain will never go away until it is experienced again and again and again.
There is one thing about these special days that can be surprising. The days approaching Mother’s Day and the days following can be as hard or harder than the actual day. Don’t be alarmed. I know you can’t imagine it now, but let me assure you, there are better days ahead.
I have a few small suggestions to help you get through the day.
It is best to have a plan for the day.
Give yourself permission not to celebrate if that is what you need.
Give yourself permission to celebrate if that is what you need.
If you have other children, be as thoughtful as possible, giving them some opportunity to celebrate you. You can do this!
Make time to mourn or the grief may seek you out at the worst moment--- without warning.
Stay in the moment as best you can.
Remember your own mother if she is living. She is most likely grieving herself and worrying about you.
Remember you will always be a mother, even if you are separated from your child at the moment.
Remember, reunion will come.
“But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep. For this we declare to you by a word from the Lord, that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord.”
If you have a friend who has lost a child, please let them know you are thinking of them. You can just call or text or write a note saying, “I’m thinking of you today. I really miss (say the child’s name) too.”
Remember the siblings. They can feel left out or even have some survivor’s guilt. Pay attention to them and make them feel cherished.
Mothers who have had miscarriages are often overlooked on this day. If you have a friend who has lost an unborn child, remember them.
Prayers are the best support.
